Over four billion winters ago, planet Terra was formed out of the interstellar dust, and according to the laws and leylines that control such cosmic incidences, seven forces of nature were created that later became known as the seven sisters of The Ley. Four of these later transmuted into the elements earth, fire, water, and air, or as they are better known in the Paracelsian model, gnomes, salamanders, undines, and sylphs.
The other three forces of nature can be put to one side for the early part of this story, but it is well known that the earth element transmuted into the dryad Guenever Cameliard, fire transmuted into the princess of fire Susan Constant, and water transmuted into the naiad Lizabet Goodfellow. Finally, as these things are ordained, air transmuted and bifurcated into an immortal being that now calls herself Tallulah of that Ilk. And also a deluded cat that calls herself Aoxomoxoa.
Meanwhile, back to reality, and we find ourselves on Terra in the modern era.
With fire and sword, the mighty Roman Empire had swept through Europa, Africa and Asia, and once there, they never left. Now it is a feeble bureaucratic behemoth called The Holy Roman Empire of Europa (THREE) and ruled by faceless unelected officials in Roma, Attica and Argentorataum.The only good thing about this is that the Denarius can be used on holiday throughout the civilised world, and sometimes even in the Confederate States of America and Manchuria.
Humankind is reaching out to the stars and already there are inhabited bases on the moon and Mars, and any number of space hotels are being built by Lagrangian point L2. A prison colony is planned for Ganymede, now that rich deposits of uranium and iron ore have been discovered there.
And now we find oursleves in Beccleswade, a small sleepy town in West Anglia Saxony very close to the university city of Cantabrigia, and fifty kilometes north of Londinium, the capital of Albion, and jewel of the civilised world.
Like everywhere on Terra, the people go about their business and behaviour, completing their education, finding employment, starting families, and pursuing such pastimes as curling and sprout cultivation.
There aren't many men in Albion, and those that are are invariably bastards, policemen, or both. That means that most of the teenagers' mums are single and frustrated.
Same Cindy Kiss and Isabella Karlin, celebrity newsreaders at the WASN television station in Cantabrigia, have come up with a brilliant idea - an adult dating site to unite the few men out there with a grateful supply of partners. As Isabella says, it's a license to print money. And as Cindy says lasciviously, try before you buy.
It's not a question.
It's the greeting the aliens give to one another when they meet. The response is - they glisten and gleam.
Same what are aliens doing in sleepy West Anglia Saxony anyway?
Four hundred years ago, Alexis of the line AA, visited Terra against the wishes and customs of his civilisation. He was studying for a doctorate in bilateral specific symbiosis, and since it was well known that humans and lizards were living in apparent commensalism on Terra, he took himself over, and fell in love with humankind. He then fell in love with a human who called herself Sarah Constant, and to his surprise, she fell quick with child.
Forensic scientists and modellers on his home planet subsequently calculated during the trial, that there is a good probability that four hundred human beings on Terra today would have vestiges of alien DNA in their human DNA.
And after a radioactive starburst in sector LXIII of the Butterfly Galaxy, the DNA of the alien race has been rendered sterile, and same it is an urgent mission to see if some authentic DNA can be found. The future of their race depends on it.
So Xaviera of the line Xin Xin and Venus of the line Vannus both volunteered to lead an advance party to Terra in order to analyse the requirements. They were joined subsequently by Wanda and Ursula, and latterly by Tabetha and Zephyr.
Despite thousands of samples, and an unfortunate number of human deaths, they have not been successful in their quest.